This post is going to be all about being shy. Just so you know.
I don't know if other shy people think about and analyze their shyness...but I do. A lot. I have always been a shy person, even when I was little. I don't know why. But there is also a side of me that is not shy at all. There's a side that likes attention and likes to be outgoing. So...that makes for a bit of conflict in my brain.
Basically, I equate shyness with mild-to-extreme social anxiety. I think being a quiet person is different than being shy. Being quiet just means you don't talk all of the time or you only say things that you really mean to say. Being shy means you are literally scared to talk or to be yourself in a given situation.
So, when I say I am shy, I mean that I have alot of social anxiety. Not in every social situation, just mostly in situations that involve more than three people or authority figures. My shyness was so bad in college (undergrad) that I would literally get light headed if I even thought about answering a question in class. My palms would sweat and I thought I would pass out. And then I felt like my whole body would just lock up and I knew I wouldn't be able to speak. It was not fun. However, giving a prepared speech never bothered me too much. I think because I knew exactly what I would say because it was all planned out. Now, I still get shy in school but I am more concentrated on fighting against it. Whenever I go to talk to my professors, I have to take a deep breath and say a little mantra in my head. I still end up sometimes being out of breath and having my heart race but I just force myself to try to be calm and I talk a little slower. I think it also helps that talking to my professors is usually a brief interaction and so I know that I will get leave the situation soon.
When I am in groups of people, my anxiety is just sort of annoying to me. I like people. I like getting to know people and letting people get to know me. Unfortunately, if it is a big group of people I usually feel so anxious that all I think about doing is leaving or hiding the fact that I am so anxious. This becomes super annoying when I am going to a friend's birthday party or baby shower or any celebratory event that involves *gasp* more than two or three people. In groups, my shyness sort of morphs into a complete lack of social grace. I fidget. I avoid eye contact (which I totally hate doing). My voice gets higher. I stare alot without meaning to. I say "That's cool" waaay too many times. And sometimes I throw up. Haha, no I don't ever do that. :)
A couple of months ago, I was so frustrated with being shy and just felt like I wanted my life to change. I wanted to be a warm and friendly person, not someone who freaks out about going to a birthday dinner and then is silent unless someone talks to me first. So, I started praying and crying. I prayed for a long time, probably most of the night. The next morning, I woke up and I just had this string of thoughts: I love people. I am not afraid. God is with me. I don't need to be afraid because He is with me. I can't even explain how amazing I felt that whole day. It was a Sunday so I actually went to church (which has been an anxiety invoking thing for me in the past because of the large amounts of people). I made myself talk to people. And every time, I was about to speak, I just reminded myself of those thoughts I had had in the morning. It helped. A lot. I was calm. I got so much more out of conversations than I usually do, because I was actually actively listening instead of worrying about what I would say next. I thought my whole "little social problem" was fixed!
Now, a few months after my little revelation, I don't feel quite as anxious as I used to. Unfortunately, I have let some of the fear creep back into my life. Overall though, I think I am slowly, sometimes painfully, getting to a much better place. I am learning a lot about myself through this process. I think part of getting over this anxiety is not allowing myself to think a lot of negative thoughts about how others will perceive me. I know it sounds super cheesy, but you have to love yourself in order to change. So, I love me:)
If this post made you fall asleep, sorry. Its just something I wanted to write about. I think my next post will be about the Twilight books/movies/madness or Harry Potter because those are super mature, interesting topics. :)
I don't know if other shy people think about and analyze their shyness...but I do. A lot. I have always been a shy person, even when I was little. I don't know why. But there is also a side of me that is not shy at all. There's a side that likes attention and likes to be outgoing. So...that makes for a bit of conflict in my brain.
Basically, I equate shyness with mild-to-extreme social anxiety. I think being a quiet person is different than being shy. Being quiet just means you don't talk all of the time or you only say things that you really mean to say. Being shy means you are literally scared to talk or to be yourself in a given situation.
So, when I say I am shy, I mean that I have alot of social anxiety. Not in every social situation, just mostly in situations that involve more than three people or authority figures. My shyness was so bad in college (undergrad) that I would literally get light headed if I even thought about answering a question in class. My palms would sweat and I thought I would pass out. And then I felt like my whole body would just lock up and I knew I wouldn't be able to speak. It was not fun. However, giving a prepared speech never bothered me too much. I think because I knew exactly what I would say because it was all planned out. Now, I still get shy in school but I am more concentrated on fighting against it. Whenever I go to talk to my professors, I have to take a deep breath and say a little mantra in my head. I still end up sometimes being out of breath and having my heart race but I just force myself to try to be calm and I talk a little slower. I think it also helps that talking to my professors is usually a brief interaction and so I know that I will get leave the situation soon.
When I am in groups of people, my anxiety is just sort of annoying to me. I like people. I like getting to know people and letting people get to know me. Unfortunately, if it is a big group of people I usually feel so anxious that all I think about doing is leaving or hiding the fact that I am so anxious. This becomes super annoying when I am going to a friend's birthday party or baby shower or any celebratory event that involves *gasp* more than two or three people. In groups, my shyness sort of morphs into a complete lack of social grace. I fidget. I avoid eye contact (which I totally hate doing). My voice gets higher. I stare alot without meaning to. I say "That's cool" waaay too many times. And sometimes I throw up. Haha, no I don't ever do that. :)
A couple of months ago, I was so frustrated with being shy and just felt like I wanted my life to change. I wanted to be a warm and friendly person, not someone who freaks out about going to a birthday dinner and then is silent unless someone talks to me first. So, I started praying and crying. I prayed for a long time, probably most of the night. The next morning, I woke up and I just had this string of thoughts: I love people. I am not afraid. God is with me. I don't need to be afraid because He is with me. I can't even explain how amazing I felt that whole day. It was a Sunday so I actually went to church (which has been an anxiety invoking thing for me in the past because of the large amounts of people). I made myself talk to people. And every time, I was about to speak, I just reminded myself of those thoughts I had had in the morning. It helped. A lot. I was calm. I got so much more out of conversations than I usually do, because I was actually actively listening instead of worrying about what I would say next. I thought my whole "little social problem" was fixed!
Now, a few months after my little revelation, I don't feel quite as anxious as I used to. Unfortunately, I have let some of the fear creep back into my life. Overall though, I think I am slowly, sometimes painfully, getting to a much better place. I am learning a lot about myself through this process. I think part of getting over this anxiety is not allowing myself to think a lot of negative thoughts about how others will perceive me. I know it sounds super cheesy, but you have to love yourself in order to change. So, I love me:)
If this post made you fall asleep, sorry. Its just something I wanted to write about. I think my next post will be about the Twilight books/movies/madness or Harry Potter because those are super mature, interesting topics. :)
uhm.. i think you basically just went into my brain and wrote everything I think about myself! I was just explaining to my boyfriend yesterday how I hate how socially awkward I am! and it's totally due to the shy thing.. over thinking what to say and then not saying things at all..
ReplyDeleteit's seriously like a social disorder. That's why I love blogging! Because I can get out anything I want to whoever feels they want to listen. And at least pretend that lots of people are probably paying attention (even if they really arent) :)
Its always nice to know a fellow shy person who doesn't like being shy! I haven't ever met you in person, but your writing on your blog is really well written and I would never have guessed you were shy at all. :) I actually totally agree that it should be a social disorder but maybe its better that its not.
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