The forrest of Introverts

So, blog world, I have lived some life in the past 1.5 years since I last wrote. It was not an easy time but the past 6 months have been much brighter and fuller. I have no doubt now that I am an introverted person. I highly value one-on-one interactions/conversations. I get shy in groups bigger than 2-3 people. I believe in getting to know a person and what they care about and I am not so good with chit-chat. I get exhausted if I am around several people day after day with no alone time. 

   In the past 4 months I have been transitioned to a new situation at work in which I was abruptly uprooted from one office of wonderful people and placed into a new office with also wonderful, but new people. It has not been so smooth for this introvert. It has taken a LOT out of me to try to forge new work friendships. I know that all this forging, as awkward and anxiety invoking as it is, will be worth it in the long run. I don't think I have ever been more thankful for other introverted people that I have in the past few months. I admire my fellow introverts from afar and send my admiration vibes their way via the ï'm also shy' wavelength. So, other introverted/shy-ish people, I commend you for being awesome in a sometimes secret way. 

Dream Job

             For the past three years, I have been going to school to get my Masters degree in Speech Language Pathology. It has been one of the hardest and undoubtedly one of the most rewarding experiences of my life. I have grown leaps and bounds as a person, friend, student, clinician, family member, citizen, dog-owner, etc. :) I have experienced deep loneliness, huge cracks in who I thought I was, and great blows to my self-confidence only in turn to grow from those experiences and receive the gifts of sincere friendships, new found competence and confidence in who God has made me to be and ridiculous amounts of joy. The past three years have absolutely been a journey that will forever leave its mark on me. I am changed. I know this might sound melodramatic because graduate school doesn't seem to be that big of a deal, but it wasn't just grad school that has changed me. I'm changed because I pursued a dream and I fought for things like I never had before. I am acutely aware that I am not done changing; that God is no where near done with me yet and I am so very thankful for that.

     During my last year of graduate school, I did a fairly brief internship at a private hospital for children with complex medical needs. I loved every second that I was there. I also felt like I belonged there. I felt called to be there. Up until that moment, I had never before felt a true calling on my life, at least not where I felt it in my whole body and mind and was basically 100% sure of it. By the end of my internship, I figured I would end up working there eventually, maybe in a couple of years after I had gotten more experience. I thought it would take some sort of miracle to get a job there right after grad school. So when the time came for me to start applying for jobs, I called them and let them know I was very interested in working there if they had any openings come up. They didn't. So, I called the following month to tell them the same thing and they did have an opening and they wanted me to interview! And I got the job.:) Tomorrow is my first day and I couldn't be more excited/nervous but overall I am interested to see how this new career will change and bless my life for many years to come! 

Graduate

I eventually want to write out my whole graduate school saga because it is well worth a few descriptive words. But for now, I will just write about life in the present.


This sums up the last two weeks for me:
Tuesday- day of relaxation and studying for my last final EVER.
Wednesday- meeting, filled out paperwork at my new place of work:), went to the bank to talk about a loan for a house(!), talked to sellers of potential new house, cleaned house for arrival of my dear sister, studied for final, filled out more paperwork for job and license
Thursday- studied for final, cleaned house (again), had mini celebratory coffee date with my husband on his birthday, ran lots of errands, took final, sister arrived!
Friday-graduated with honors with my Master's degree in Speech-Language Pathology!! The whole experience felt surreal and I felt a great sense of eagerness to move on to bigger and better things. Looking back, I do wish I had cherished some moments more as my last day as a student.
Saturday- Completely lazy and watched Lord of the Rings with my dear sister.
Sunday- celebrated my birthday early with my family and had a chaotic lunch but it was fun as most family outings can be fun..., got sick that night
Monday- So sick from a very evil cold, signed a contract on a house(!!), slept, ate soup and a banana
Tuesday- My birthday! Said farewell to my sister, slept the whole day, went to my birthday dinner that night and was literally sweating and felt like puking or passing out but still had a great time with friends
Wednesday-did absolutely nothing. Watched multiple episodes of the office, like from 10am until 10pm.... Also re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re read Harry potter.
Thursday-  Turned in paperwork to new place of work, went to former internship site and picked up some goodies from China..., went to dinner with a good friend and laughed and talked about a huge variety of things from pregnancy to books to hardwood floors
Friday- Errands....spent a lot of money on my car and tires and it sucked but the tire people were nice. Freaked out about buying a house and hung out with my dear mom and nephew. Also, I sat in the Starbucks parking lot for 20 minutes waiting until it was 3pm so I could get my half priced Frappucino.


So...this blog just turned into a diary entry. cool.  Exciting things are happening. All at once. I graduated, I got my dream job, Dustin and I are probably going to buy a freakin' house, and I turned 27.

I'm Mad for Madness Sake!

So, sometimes people who believe in Jesus get mad at each other. I get it. I do. I get mad at people who believe in Jesus all the time. I get mad at people who don't believe in Jesus too. Basically if you are breathing, there is a possibility for me to get angry with or at you. I understand how easy it is to get worked up over things that other people say in the name of Christ and want to assert your opinion and make sure that people know that what they said was not full of grace. I don't think this is bad. However, I don't think this is always good.

As a believer who has been slowly walking through the thorny, bristly, path of faith, I sometimes want to just stop and lay down. I want to just say "Okay, its easier to argue with everyone about how Jesus would want to love people than to live like someone who loves Jesus." I don't think that all the theologians out there or people with sincere convictions are in the wrong and that they should stop voicing their thoughts. I just find that sometimes all these arguments, all these "Hey Mark Driscoll I totally disagree with what you said" type of statements can form this cycle of pseudo righteous anger. On and on and on it goes. You're cool if you have something negative to say about a certain pastor or if you make fun of something about some group of evangelical people. But it just gets so tiring. It feels easy to disagree with things. Its hard to find common ground. I am totally in the group of people that find a ton of negative things to say about Christianity, which is why I am trying to process through this. Sometimes, it seems like there is so much disagreement going on about things believers say that they shouldn't have said that it becomes hard to figure out what Christians do agree on.

I have no answer to these questions. The end.

layers

Sometimes, when people talk about listening to christian radio stations or reading uber-devotional-type books or start saying things about "the Lord," I just start to cringe. I think I've been going through this strange balancing act of being genuine in my love for God and being super cautious/wary of religiosity type things. I think I generally tend to take people who lack in creatively expressing their thoughts about God as being insincere. And that tends to make me angry. But today I was thinking, "Why should I get angry about that? Sometimes, people can say cheesy things and genuinely mean them." It made me think that anger or cynicism is just another layer that distracts us from God. Its sort of like stress. When things start piling up, you start to stress about each little thing and it takes your mind off of what you are really trying to get done.

Random blopping of words/thoughts: I literally have been forgetting what day it is all day today and yesterday! I keep thinking "Oh, lovely! It's Thursday!" or "Oh wow, its Monday. wah wah wah..." But no, it is Tuesday. I feel like I need a Gandalf-like voice over telling me "It is June the 28th, in the year 2011" but alas, I am short one Gandalf.
Internship: Isn't this lovely structure?! Bleh, oh well. So, I am in my first official internship at a really great organization! I go through very mixed feelings about my time there. Part of me wants more responsibility and part of me feels like I can't handle the small amount of responsibility they've given me so far. Its quite the conundrum. I also have been ridiculously hyposocial and I want to rip out the socially malfunctioning  part of my brain and douse it in a big vat of extroversion juice. I am like two different people at school and at my internship: I am fairly calm about school papers and such but when it comes to performing in front of supervisors and talking to others in a professional yet friendly setting, I flounder. Big time. I'm going right back through that social anxiety stuff of getting light-headed and my voice getting high pitched and randomly coughing for no reason just because my body gets so tense and needs to do SOMETHING for goodness sake! Run, run, run away sentence structure. I'm tired and just feeling a tinge unhealthy as of late. Thats probably not helping things. I feel quite whiney.
Dustin is a good spectacular husband. I know God sewed little pieces of holy matrimony thread through our souls for a reason. Dustin is encouraging and supportive and a good listener and so kind and so hot. :)
Moths: Can the world just be done with bugs who flap, flap, flap their wings in your face at nighttime and come in through your window unit air conditioner to terrorize your sleep? Window units are classy, don't hate.

And thus, I conclude my dexterous mind-tongue and bid you blogland a fair and peaceful journey through the deep dark of night. 

Girls

Tonight I had a very lovely dinner with my friend and a couple of her friends. They were just so sweet and friendly that it made me wonder why aren't girls always like this?!? We are so much better when we are kind to others. I know we girls sometimes have these little mechanisms in our brains that make our eyes see every other girl as a potential enemy instead of a potential friend (I do this sometimes and I just hate it). But really, just think how much more pleasant life would be if you thought "wow she's really nice and cool." instead of thinking "wow, she's pretty or has better clothes than me so I am going to dislike her." So, be nice and don't hate. The end. 

Whats a blog to do?

Since I decided to start this blog, I have been racking my mind thinking of what kind of blog I wanted it to be. Should it be a grad student's life journey kind of blog, should it be a review type blog, a a picture blog, a super witty blog? It sort of gave me an identity crisis. What kind of blogger am I? I know, I know, these are seriously tough questions to answer.... but I have come to a conclusion!

I am a becca kind of blogger. Simply put, I don't know if there is a niche for me in this blogging world. But if I feel like writing something, I will.

Happy Monday!